Young Adult Scripture Reflection

Young Adult Scripture Reflection Day 8

Going Forth in Peace

(McKenzy Stilger)

Psalm 85

“I will hear what the Lord has to say,

a voice that speaks of peace,

peace for his people and his friends,

and for those who turn to him in their hearts.

His help is near for those who fear him,

and his glory will dwell in our land.”

As a nurse, there are many uncertainties and the ever-changing guidelines do not help. “Consult a pulmonologist if your patient requires 4 liters of oxygen or more. Only one N95 mask will be given to one nurse per unit per shift. We are no longer allowing visitors except for end of life circumstances and anyone under 18 years of age.” Certainly these guidelines change as more information comes about, and the constant flood of information creates more anxiety as healthcare workers face the many (ugly) truths about this pandemic crisis.

This universal feeling of fear, doubt, and uncertainty is parallel to the same feelings I have had for the last year and a half as I try and navigate personal matters involving disappointment and heartache. While trying to come to terms with this heartache, I could feel myself becoming restless – especially during prayer.  It was in these moments of anxiety when I first started to ask the Lord for peace.

When you think of peace, what do you think about? It is the bright "Peace" decoration flashing in your uncle's yard at Christmas? Is it your grandmother’s prayer intention when there are signs of impending war? It is the song “Let There Be Peace on Earth” that we sing on numerous occasions?

Prior to a year and a half ago, I had never really asked myself what peace looks like in my own life as a nurse, program assistant to One Bread, One Cup, or most importantly as a child of God.  It was around Christmas 2018 when I first realize what peace could feel like. At that time, I was taking care of a patient that had extensive blockages in his arteries surrounding his heart that neither surgery nor medicine could fix. My patient was dying and the constant, excoriating pain to his arm, jaw, back and chest made that apparent.

As I ventured into his room, he greeted me with a warm and generous smile. I sat down on his bed, took his hand and asked, “What can I do for you at this time?” He said, “Just listen to me.” He told me story after story: how his son has been caring for him, how his wife made roast beef and mashed potatoes once a week during their 56 years of marriage, and how excited he was to see the face of God soon.

He continued, “I don’t know about you, but I have always known that this is not our home.”  He then pointed up at the ceiling and continued by saying, “That’s our home, our forever home, and I know God will take care of me.” Just a couple hours later, my patient was transferred to our palliative care unit where he later died.

When you think of peace, what do you think about? When I walked into my patient’s room, I was overwhelmed by the fact that someone could be so peaceful even in the midst of death. Even as the pain engulfed his whole body, my patient knew that God would take care of him…because God loved him.

Ever since that moment sitting on my patient’s bed, I have realized that peace is knowing and welcoming the love that God has for each of us even in the depths of our own despair. We certainly are in the depths of our despair with no sense of what the future holds. So I ask you, when you think of peace, what do you think about? I invite yourself, in the deepest part of your despair, to open your hearts to the Lord, our eternal source of peace. He is waiting, He is smiling, and He cannot wait to hold you close to his heart.

McKenzy Stilger is the Administrative Assistant and Coordinator for the College Ministerial Internship Program for One Bread, One Cup at Saint Meinrad Seminary & School of Theology. She currently lives in Louisville, KY and practices as a nurse at Baptist Health Louisville. In her spare time, she loves to hang out with her grandparents.